This is the story of Phil’s dream, a dream that turned to absolute shite. It’s finally time to wipe away the tears and tell us all about it Phil:

One beautiful day I received an email from the Football Federation of Australia [FFA] telling me that I had been selected to play for the Socceroos in a World Cup Qualifier versus Saudi Arabia on the 29^th of February. Yes, I had been selected to play for Australia in the football.

The email was titled ‘Phillip, you’re in the team!’ and when I opened it the first line said ‘Congratulations, you’ve been picked in the team!’

 

I couldn’t believe my luck. I’d gone from occasionally having a kick on a Sunday when I hadn’t had a big one the night before to somehow being selected for Australia.

It was slightly weird that I’d never once spoken to anyone at the Socceroos and the closest I’d come to getting paid to play football was a free cevapi with extra mustard after a game 10 years ago, but I’d read they were choosing A-League based players and perhaps they contacted me because I couldn’t be any worse on the international stage than Nicky Carle:

The big problem was I was in poor shape physically.

 *Not actual size but close to scale

 So naturally I emailed FFA’s contact reception@footballaustralia.com.au to organise some training and co-ordinate my itinerary because I’d told all my family and friends and their excitement at booking flights and getting to the game was even stronger than mine:

Hi there,

I received an email from the FFA saying that I’m in the team for Socceroos V Saudi Arabia.I haven’t had any calls or any other information other than the standard game starting time. Nothing about training at all. Can you please get back to me ASAP, so I can make all the arrangements.

 Kind Regards

Phillip

I was also worried how my life would change such as would people start bothering me in the street besides those asking for ‘spare coins bro’ and was I going to have to take a drug test? By December 13 I hadn’t heard anything and was starting to worry. Sure, I had never played a game of professional football in my life but my physical condition was even worse because I’d spent the whole period out celebrating [amongst other things] being chosen for the Socceroos.

 

Time was running out. I even bought the game FIFA 12, made myself smoke dope, drink chocolate milk and play it all day just so I could brush up on tactics and to get to know my teammates. I sent the FFA another email. But like football itself I needed to make my message short, sharp and minus the theatrics. It simply read:

 I still have not any response? This is both puzzling and worrying.

 Regards Phil

 It looked like my curt nature got the desired result. I’d come away with the three points and finally received a response but not from anyone, from the Socceroos Team Manager G XXXX* [*Name changed obviously]:

 

from:	G XXXX xxxxx@footballaustralia.com.au
to:	”phillip.xxxx@gmail.com” < xxxxx.xxxx @gmail.com>
date:	Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 12:11 PM

 Phillip

 My name is G XXXX and I am the Team Manager for the Qantas Socceroos at FFA.

 No squad has been selected for the next Qantas Socceroos match.

Please provide that email that says you were advised of your selection for the Socceroos Vs Saudi Arabia squad.

 Regards,

G XXXX

National Men’s Team Manager

 

Maybe something slipped through the cracks. There’s 100′s of Aussies playing overseas so I first cut him some slack and then cut and pasted the email [signed by Lucas Neill] that I was sent and forwarded it to him:

 Lucas Neill, writing something.

 

from:	Phillip
to:	G XXXX xxxxxxxx@footballaustralia.com.au>
date:	Thu, Dec 15, 2011 at 1:24 PM
subject:	Re: FW: An email from you
mailed-by:	gmail.com

 

Hi G XXXX,

here is the email as sent to me describing my inclusion in the squad. It was even signed off by the captain Lucas Neill. It also has info for family to buy tickets which they are all obviously looking forward to.

 Regards

Phillip

FW: email

 SUBJECT LINE: Phillip, you’re in the team!

 MESSAGE: Hi Phillip,

 Congratulations, you’ve been picked in the team!  Purchase a ticket for the 2014 FIFA World Cup Asian qualifier in Melbourne on Wednesday 29 February 2012 (7.30pm kick off). Tickets start at just $30 and $75 for a family and are NOW on sale.  Click here to purchase your tickets or call 132 849.

 The Qantas Socceroos will play for the first time at the purpose-built football venue AAMI Park.

A full-house and a European-style atmosphere awaits us. With more than 12,000 seats already snapped up by the football community, get inquick before AAMI Park is sold out.

 Be there in the Green and Gold! See you on the terraces,

 Lucas Neill

 

Now that it was all cleared up I was sure to get my place in the Socceroos line-up. I tell you what, living the Socceroos lifestyle had been great. It’s amazing the stuff you get for free when you tell people you’re a Socceroo: 

I was really looking forward to perhaps even showing support for Saudi Arabia’s women in their struggle to be allowed to drive on the night if I happened to score. But like a guillotine on the hands of a Saudi Arabian bread thief my world came crashing down. It was a letter from G XXXX:

 

Thank you Phillip

 The email you refer to was a promotional email, to signed up members of My Football Family, in advance of the Qantas Socceroos match Vs Saudi Arabia in Melb on 29 Feb 2012. Unfortunately, it was not a selection letter for yourself.

Trust that clears it all up.

We look forward to your support on 29 Feb either at AAMI Stadium, or via the live coverage on Foxsports.

Regards,

G XXXX

 

What? Watch on Foxsports? Was he serious? Was this some sort of sick joke cooked up by the marketing department to have a rib tickler at my expense? Was G XXXX just jerking my chain? Or was Lucas Neill a liar? Did the coach Holger Osieck know about this? I was devastated. I had to reply. The last time I’d felt this empty regarding the Socceroos was when a family member celebrated at the Carlton Crest Hotel in 1997 after Iran’s World Cup qualification against Australia, but I had exorcised those demons by reporting them to a terrorist hotline in 2005. So I knocked back the tears and punched an email out:

 

from:	Phillip phillip.xxxx@gmail.com
to:	G XXXX < XXXX @footballaustralia.com.au>
date:	Mon, Dec 19, 2011 at 2:52 PM
subject:	Re: FW: An email from you
mailed-by:	gmail.com

Hi G XXXX,

 What do you mean it’s a promotional email? It clearly in black and white says I was selected for the team. Do they just send these to anyone? What sort of system is this? Do they think it’s funny to just make this stuff up?

 After playing football all my life I thought my chance had finally come. At first I thought it was too good to be true but then after

realising with qualification to the next round secured Mr Osieck would try some new players that my dream had come true. It’s not just me that feels let down but the hardest bit is now having to tell my family I’m not actually playing.

 The disappointment is hardly imaginable. I believe that perhaps you should talk to these people in the ‘promotional’ team that don’t seem to do a job of promoting the game but rather lying to people in their emails.

 At very least you should warn Mr Osieck that people are going around selecting his team on his behalf and then taking it back as they see fit.

 I trust with this terrible mix up I am now further up the pecking order to be selected in the future. In reality though I should be

still included in the squad for the game, even if I don’t make the subs.

 Kind regards

Phillip

I never heard from him again or the FFA again. I followed it up with another email but I knew it was useless. My chance at representing Australia was gone. I ended up going to the game that night and this was the closest I got to the pitch:

 

History might say that the 4-2 win vindicates their decision not to play me, but try telling that to kids who miskicked a ball in the car park after the game. I passed it back to them. A beautifuly weighted pass that hit my target perfectly half way up his knee before his lack of control sent it onto the road before a car flattened it.

Just imagine if he knew he had received a pass from a Socceroo, it would’ve made his little dream come true. Not just further added to some promotional person’s sick fantasy.

-Phil, former Socceroo.

 

If you think Phil should be included in the squad for the next round of World Cup Qualifiers then you can also email  reception@footballaustralia.com.au and at the very least we can get him a team tracksuit.  Even Kristian Sarkies and Max Vieri have had a go. If you also think their marketing/promo department should be smacked on the bottoms and front bums for destroying dreams then let also them know. On a side note Phil would also like to thank Neil, Cyclops and Scrim for their support in this tough time. 

 

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