The Newton family’s ability to provide content for AKTIFMAG over the years has been unparalleled. But shooting Newtons in a barrel is not big or clever anymore and it’s time to actually come up with some original ideas. So to celebrate, we’ve produced a look back at our favourite things that Patti has used to get her noggin in the news. Go Patti:
1. In the wake of the News Corp scandal, how she was one of the world’s celebrities who fall victim to phone hacking, because her phone mysteriously dropped out.
2. That nothing, not even her son’s suicidal state could stop her from attending the Logies.
3. How she’s thrilled about being thrilled at the thrilling news that she is going to become and grandmother for not the first, not the second but a thrilling third time.
4. That she’s the real victim of her son’s violence towards his girlfriends, but ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ on this Wednesday at 8pm is helping her. That’s 8pm this Wednesday. Channel Nine.
5. That she’s making a hasty and mad frantic dash in supersonic time to be by Bert’s sick side, once her latest gig in the media is over.
6. How drama just simply ‘follows her around’ like some sort of ratbag gypsy after her granddaughter was admitted to hospital.
7. That junkies exposed the fact she carries 130k worth of shit around in her handbag.
8. About how amazing she is because she can fit into her 40-year-old dress.
9. Just how much of an ace wife she is.
10. What it’s like being a star-studded celebrity.
11. How she reckons turbulence on a plane gave her amnesia.
12. And last but not least who can forget the time she had a little spew at home?
So what next for our Patti? One thing is for certain, you’ll definitely read about it, just not here.
Patti Newton: My AKTIFMAG Pain. Available in the next issue of ’Women’s Day’, out Monday. Probably.