If you’re going use a half-baked Home and Away actresses’ image to spruik both your TV show and a clothing brand, don’t get my mum to do the PR. That’s unless you want to sound as in touch with the ‘yoof’ as Richard Wilkins. And I don’t mean that literally.

I thought I wasn’t in the loop with what’s ‘going down’ yoof styles but this Sunday Magazine PR puff piece about how much of a ‘skater chick’ this Home and Away starlet is was something else. It read exactly how I’d imagine my mum would talk about skateboarding and the youngsters of today.

So I decided to make a little checklist to see if it had all the hallmarks of being penned by mummy dearest:

1. Using language only a mum would think the kids of today would use √

2. Describing the most clichéd and basic sounding tricks √

3. Use the word ‘grunge’. All kids love grunge √

4. Can’t help herself but to mention safety √

5. Think that all skaters are in skateparks √

6. Acting like a typical mum √

7. Think all girls who skate would be just like Avril Lavrignehoweverthefuckyouspellit √

8. Not knowing what a proper skateboard a skater uses √

9. Associate it with clothing a skater would never actually wear √

10. Swear without really swearing whilst sounding odd √

11. But most of all just go over the top associating everything with skateboarding to try and make the person sound ‘hip’.√√√√√

So I emailed her to ask her if she had anything to do with it.

Hey Mum

I was just wondering. I read the Sunday magazine and there was an article about Home And Away and Skateboarding. Did you write it?

Love

Kane

The next day she sent me a reply.

Hi sweetheart,

What are you on about this time? Are you having a joke with me again? There’s letters here from the bank for you do you want me to drop them around? I can come on Saturday as Pete has the car.

You also have to come and visit your Pa on Wednesday, I’m taking him to the hospital and after it we’re going to get Fish and Chips.

x

PS- I almost forgot- I thought you’d be super psyched to suss out this link…. dope clothes Running Bare. Gotta jet yo Home and Away is about to start. It’s on everyday at 7pm! Check yoself!

Thanks Home and Away, look what you’ve started.