There’s all sorts of people turning up on our TV screens nowadays. But how do we know the real celebrities from the 7PM Project types? Take this little test to find out.

1. A semi naked teenager is found floating in your spa, do you:
A. Call an ambulance.
B. Call an ambulance.
C. Call your manager, lawyer and then memberʼs of the underworld to get rid of the body.

2. Men are trapped down a mine do you:
A. Start digging.
B. Send your best reporters to cover the story.
C. Take off your suit, buy blue collar clothes and do a cross promotion with Jim Beam.

3. Someone in your staff is caught in the toilets doing cocaine so you:
A. Sack them
B. Sternly caution them
C. Cover it up and do a report on the disgusting Junkies in Springvale.

4. An associate of yours is on trial for a sexual assault and youʼre forced to give evidence do you:
A. Do so with integrity and honesty.
B. Only say what you have to.
C. Rock up to the court smirking saying ʻHiʼ to the cameramen before cracking a joke.

5. You are not remotely funny, talented or interesting but youʼve played AFL so you:
A. Are trying to get by.
B. Buy a pub.
C. Learn three cliche’d sentences, continuously re-use them, chair a TV show that requires a lack of talent, humour and originality to be successful.

6. The secret to success is:
A. Working hard.
B. Knowing the right people.
C. A strong throat.

7. You have appeared in a reality TV program. Upon reaching a nightclub you see there is a line do you:
A. Wait.
B. Leave for another venue.
C. Storm to the front screaming ʻdo you know who I am?ʼ before going inside and turning your nose at all the commoners.

8.You have appeared in a reality TV program and are in a nightclub. You want to go to the toilet do you :
A. Just go.
B. Wait ’til a cubicle is empty.
C. Screen for the manager to get a bouncer to clear out the toilet before a celebrity like your self goes in there.

HOW DID YOU GO? Mostly Aʼs- The only way youʼll get famous is if you kill someone. Mostly Bʼs- The closest youʼll get to pretending youʼre ʻwonderfully talentedʼ is when youʼre in a Smith St cafe reading a script . Mostly Cʼs- You already have someone reading this on your behalf to see if you’re mentioned and if you’re not to find out just ‘why I fucking aren’t’.