IS, ISIS, ISIL, call them what you want. You can even call them the ‘Death Cult’ as Tony Abbott does for us simpletons who are not mature enough to be trusted with acronyms. One thing we can be trusted with is the knowledge that Tone loves telling us how much he hates Islamist radicals like them. But it was Hermann Hesse who suggested that “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself”. Well, let’s put it to the test in a list of things that Tony Abbott and his government have in common with bellend extremists*
HOMOSEXUALS = SECOND CLASS CITIZENS
If you had Islamic fundamentalists and Tony Abbott in a room and said “raise your hand if you believe in gay marriage” they’d all keep their hands down.
DESTRUCTION OF WONDERS OF THE WORLD
When ISIS aren’t destroying ancient sites they’re sending news rooms into a frenzy trying to list all the sites they may fuck up. But this frenzy pales in comparison to the one the Abbott government went in to as they spent $100,000 mounting a massive international effort to lobby against UNESCO’s world heritage committee listing the Great Barrier Reef as in danger. A listing would be disastrous in their efforts to destroy it through things like mining and dredging.
Al Qaeda, ISIS – they love flapping around their flags. Almost as much as Tony loves standing in front of them.
Some knobs with flags.
A WOMAN’S PLACE
Most Islamic hardliners believe a women’s role is at home making Nutella sangers to keep the mujahideen’s bellies full for a hard day at the office committing Jihad. Well, they would be the first to nod in agreement with Tone if they ever read some of his views on women’s role in society.
ISIS are so shifty they even come camouflaged as kebabs.
ISIS suppress dissent by encouraging citizens to report any transgressors. Tone has his own way suppressing dissent – questioning patriotism and doing 3-month investigations – headed by Ray Martin – into TV shows.
❤ SAUDI KING
When you’re an absolute despot cunt, what do you do you’re not chopping people’s heads off or banning women from everything besides making you Nutella sandwiches? You give support to other cunts who like chopping people’s heads off and banning women from everything besides making you Nutella sandwiches. And what do you do when you’re the leader of Australia – you show your admiration for the same prick.
FEAR TO GET SUPPORT
Abbott may as well write ISIS’ PR for them, with statements like the ‘Death Cult is coming after us’
LIVES IN THE PAST
Most Islamic hardliners believe in an ideology that belongs in the dark ages, they shun modern dress, custom and music. Tony ‘give Prince Philip a Knighthood’ Abbott also yearns for the values and technology from yesteryear.
Tone reckons ‘surfing the web’ could look this awesome one day.
Speak out against extremists and you’re in deep shit. Speak out against Tone and his ‘Border Force’ and he’d like to send you to the big house.
Tony Abbott wants to track your communication. If they could, Boko Haram would be the kind of people who read your emails too.
Crackpots like the Taliban may put the mental in fundamentalist but there is another loony who loves a big guy in the sky just as much – the Mad Monk himself (and former trainee priest) Tony Abbott.
The right kind of radical.
Tone & co claimed that people smuggling funded terrorism for fanatical fruitcakes like Al Quaeda and ISIS. But he wouldn’t give a straight answer to a simple question – have you paid people smugglers? By that logic…
*By extremists we don’t mean in a Mountain Dew ad kind-of-way, but more in a Joey Goebbels sense.